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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Passive-Aggressive

I use to be a very Passive-aggressive person. Instead of saying anything that bothered me about you or your actions I would say snide remarks or ignore you all together. I hated that about me and feel it made me a very bitter and depressed person. Not really the way I want people to view me.
I now feel that being a passive-aggressive person robs others of the chance to grow as a person. How else will someone know what behaviors are bothersome unless someone tells them? Now I'm not saying to go tell your neighbor that her choice of flowers is disgusting because there should be some tact involved. However, if something offends me or I take something the wrong way I will ask. For my own peace of mind. I need to know. If I do not ask the other person may not know how offensive it is and I could end up carrying a grudge for something that may be easily explainable. Not really the way I want to live my life.
It is hard to ask for clarification sometimes but it has given me a more peaceful existence. I'm sure many of my friends are tired of me asking "what do you mean"? It is also hard to explain something that you either said without thinking, something that wasn't meant the way it was taken. I'm really bad at this and can sometimes make things harder-you know "dig your own grave". But my good friends and family understand this about me and still hear me out because sooner or later I get the right point across that I was trying to in the first place. Or I just apologize. This makes my life so much more enjoyable.
I've been seeing a lot of passive-aggressive behavior lately. It really stresses me out and leaves me with such a bad feeling. I think the world would be such a better place if people were honest and open, especially with those they love and care about. How else can people move forward and create lasting bonds or grow to be better people? From my limited years of experience I really haven't seen any good come from being passive-aggressive. Hurtful rumors and bad relationships are about all I've seen come from passive-aggressive behaviors. Just not the way I am choosing to live my life.
I still have things to work on in my life. I can still be passive-aggressive, I can still have low self-esteem, and I still want to throw things when I get really mad and frustrated. Those are the things I know I need to work on. I know there are more but if others play the passive-aggressive game how am I to know some of those other bad habits of mine?

3 comments:

Amberlie said...

I think you are right, keeping things bottled up really makes for a miserable life, great post.

Kimberly said...

I'm right there with ya on this one...I think being honest and forthright is sometimes a lot harder for all parties involved, but most of the time, life is so much simpler when people don't play the passive-aggression, or sugar-coating, games.

patty o said...

I took assertiveness training about age 35. Coincidence?

I think there is a fine line between aggressive and assertive on the one extreme and assertive and passive-aggressive on the other.

Like all things in life, it seems to be about finding the balance. But I prefer the brutal truth over sugar coating or total judement any old day.