I didn't want to be a mom

I did play with dolls, I'm not going to lie. I really only played with them because of all the STUFF and the cute clothes you could get with the dolls. Barbies were more my thing because she had cars and beach houses, Barbie is my girl! I mostly thought of having kids AFTER I had a career. I needed the money to live like Barbie! I always thought I was too selfish to be a mom and would never make a very good mom.

All of this changed one day in August at the ripe young age of 22. I was pregnant. Bob and I were going to be parents. I kind of had a mini freak out. AND THEN.....I wanted to be a mom more than anything. I was ready. I was willing to be unselfish.

I did work for awhile after my oldest was born. He was 3 when I decided to quit working for a paycheck and become a full time mom and work for kisses and hugs instead. That was 10 years ago and I have loved being a mom and hated being a mom. It is one of the most rewarding and heartbreaking jobs I will ever have. It can also be very thankless. The main goal in parenting is to teach these little humans how to leave you and live on their own one day. I think that is very thankless!

I have found out over these many years that I am good at being a mom. I excel when I am taking care of other people and their needs. I like them wanting and needing ME! I like being my own boss or as I said many times the CEO of the HOME! I like thinking of new things to do with the kids, I love seeing when they learn new things. Of course their need and want of me actually fed into my selfishness! Who would have thought?

Many days I stayed in jammies and didn't once venture out of the house. I was in charge of EVERYTHING! It was good and it was bad. So many days I wondered what the heck I was doing and I wasn't cut out to be a mom. So many days I wouldn't give up because I was there with my kids during temper tantrums, illnesses, quiet days, loud days and happy days.

I have loved and hated every single minute of being a full time mother. I have truly enjoyed being with my kids. I am one of those moms that can't wait for school breaks and is sad to see them go back, even if they did drive me crazy all vacation! I may not have always been the best mom but they were not always the best of kids either so I think we are even.

Then this year my youngest started 1st grade! He is in school ALL DAY! I was going to just "retire" and enjoy my time off. But as the summer started slipping by I decided I wanted to get a job. I was getting bored at home. So, I began to search for something, anything because I was unsure of what I wanted to do. And finally I found a job!! (another post later about this one)

So I am now a mom with a paying job! But my most important and self satisfying job is being a mom to 3 beautiful and smart and funny kids. My kids have taught me so much about me and I really do miss them when they are gone. I would never in a million years picked motherhood as the one job I would love and be good at but I'm so glad that I stumbled upon it. And it will be so nice to open this next chapter in my life....working mom!