Feelings

This is how I've been feeling lately. I hate the end of the school year for my kids. It's one year older and one year closer to independence. My oldest has 2  years left now before College. My youngest will be a 4th grader! My middle is graduating from 5th grade next week with a big shindig and all that fancy kind of stuff.

Time is slipping through my fingers.

They grow too fast, their demands on me are different from what they were just a year ago. Some days they need everything from me and the next they need nothing. I feel like a tightrope walker at times, trying to give them just enough  independence to learn while at the same time trying to balance their safety. I often feel like just sitting in the middle of that tightrope and holding them all at EXACTLY this point in time.

Truth is, I like just about every phase of my kids' life so far. There are good and bad with every age and at times I have wished for time to go faster so they were past those bad stages. But now,well now all I want is for them to STOP! I miss those times where College and graduations were so far away you really didn't need to think about them. Now it is so close I can practically smell it!

Time is slipping by faster and faster and I feel it is only picking up speed. I can't stop it but I sure hope I can remember to enjoy the good and bad times. 

Kickin' and screamin'

I once was told about a family that left Singapore "Kicking and screaming". At first I thought I don't want to be that person, I want to get my fill of Singapore and move on in a nice and dignified way. A whole year and some later I have come to find out that I am not going to be dignified at all and I will NEVER seem to get my fill of this lovely place. Yes, we are moving back to Utah and I (and the rest of my family) will be kickin' and screamin' the whole way.

When we started out on this adventure we never thought we would fall in love with Singapore. We knew it would be something different and that we would try to learn as much as we could. We knew we could end up hating it here and now looking back I almost wish we would. It would make leaving so much easier.
We have met many wonderful people from all over the world and some we are lucky enough to call friends. We have learned things about other cultures that we may never have learned any other way. When we go out now we hear many different accents and languages that we can now place and label. We have been down under and visited a communist country. We know how to use chopsticks and we love sharing our meals. We have ate foods we never had heard of 2 years ago and now we don't know if we can live without. We have encountered stereotypes, both our own and the view of others.
Yes, I will go back to Utah kicking and screaming. I will never get enough of this culture. It is so different than what I was raised with and I still find myself in awe sometimes, and sometimes it is hard for me to understand their ways. But I no longer judge, it is okay to be different and all these different ways work. Some of these differences I'll adopt for myself because they make sense.
I will never get enough of meeting people from all over the world. People who I may never have met before but I can't imagine my life without now. People that I have so much more in common with than previously thought, even if we did grow up on opposite sides of the world. We are all the same in different ways.

I will miss the sites and smells. The busyness of daily life. The learning of different ways.  I will even miss the frustrations. I will miss the adventure, always trying new food or of adopting new practices. I will miss the colourfulness. And I think I will miss who we have become while here. I like this adventuring family whose motto seems to be GO FOR IT! 

I will always be grateful that we had this time here. I would love to have more, maybe someday but for now we are US bound, undignified because that's just the way I want to roll, kickin' and screamin'. 

Thaipusam

This year I got the chance to actually go and watch a religious observance by the Hindus. It's called Thaipusam. It only comes once a year and it is when the Hindus celebrate the victory of the Hindu deity Subramanya over the forces of darkness.

Men and sometimes women will pierce their skin with spikes in order to wear a kavadi. There is NO blood and the participants are willing and proud to carry the kavadi's.  I only saw the women with the piercings in their tongue or cheeks so I'm not sure if they can carry the kavadi's. The participants also carry along gifts to their deity like milk and food. It is just another religion praying to their gods the way they believe. Here in Singapore they will walk from one Temple (Sri Srinivasa Perumal Temple) to another one (Sri Thandayuthapani Temple)  about 4.5 kilometers, or 2.5 miles.

From the moment I got off the MRT stop you could feel the elecctricity in the air. You just KNEW something was going on. Traffic is still going but there are huge metal gates blocking off one side of the road for the procession to walk. Sometimes the men and women would have to wait just like any other pedestrians. While they waited was the best time to see them dance and sing. I did walk part of the procession because I wanted to see what it felt like. It was VERY hot, but there were lots of places along the way offering food, water and juices. And not just for participants, I was asked if I wanted anything too.

I met a friend there and we watched the procession before going to the Temple to watch some more. Just walking into the Temple your senses were bombarded by music and prayer and talking and the incense. It was practically magical. The energy here was just amazing. You could feel it was a celebration. IT WAS CROWDED. And it was totally worth it! There were families all clustered together to witness and help with whoever was wearing the kavadi. There were children and older ladies and the fellowship was everywhere. Many of the people participating were just happy and proud. It wasn't barbarian like at all! This is the way they choose to celebrate their God and who am I to judge? They were happy and they believe in something!

I am so glad I took the time out of my day to witness this. I will never regret that I was witness to this religious ceremony.

If you want to know more you can read a friends post here and another post here. Wikipedia also has some great information but first hand experiences are my favorite way to get information.

Welcome home

I got back to Singapore Friday morning at 1. I was met at the airport by my sexy husband who had orange juice for me and 6 red roses. I think I was more thrilled by the orange juice. Flying makes me crave OJ, badly! Just to show off the roses here is a picture taken 3 days later.

When we got home my sexy husband had a bouquet of Stargazer Lillies waiting for me too. I love the smell of those Lillies. 3 days later and it looks like most of them have bloomed. My house smells amazing.

Then as I go upstairs I notice this....

I've always said that Bob is the yin to my yang so when we found one of the elephants from the Singapore elephant parade I think he started planning.

I also found 30 red roses. I guess they don't sell them in dozens here but I'm not complaining.

It was all a very nice surprise. He was busy with all the family stuff and his own job but he found time to make my homecoming memorable.

It's good to be missed but even better to be loved completely!

OH MY!

Literally hours after I wrote the last post I got a call from my sister saying my mom had just had a stroke. My world has been at a stand still since then.
I did go home to see her. The stroke was major enough that I felt the huge need to hug my mom and just see her.
It's funny how much my life has changed and I wasn't even the stroke victim. I will always have a mother who suffered a stroke, no matter how well she recovers she will still need to take extra precautions. I will always call her more and really pay attention to how she is. I will always worry if she is home alone. And honestly that is so little of a problem compared to the things my mom has to overcome.
My sisters and I have bonded over something we never thought would happen but we stuck together and we had eachothers backs when it mattered most. It was so nice to have 3 best friends who understood everything I said and did. We have a history no matter how many years we've been apart or the roads that life has taken us.
My kids and husband did excellent while I was away! It was so nice to know that everything here in Singapore was covered and they did it all on their own. They also made a great team. My husband has always appreciated the job I do but I think he has a whole new understanding of how it goes here in Singapore. He was great and didn't complain once!
My whole family is great. From my birth family to the one I birthed. I am now looking forward to getting back to Singapore life and the new lifestyle I have in store for me.

2011 where did you go?

I am so bad at time management. This last year was no exception. There were so many things I didn't get done that I had hoped to.

I didn't see enough of my friends.
I didn't spend as much time with my kids as I wanted.
I yelled too much and didn't take enough deep breaths.
I didn't listen to the voice in my head and wore my heart on my sleeve.
I didn't tell my husband how wonderful he is EVERY day.
I didn't reach out to those in need as much as I should have.
I didn't have enough "me" time for massages, pedis, book reading, crafts or just relaxing time.

I hope to get better at these things  in 2012. I might not get them all done, it might not be perfect. But I TRIED. I cared enough to TRY.  I am always the optimist thinking there is time to do everything but there never is. Time flies by too fast. I want this next year to be about things that are important, that matter, that will make MY life better.

I hope to reach out more to my friends, old and new, and make some quality friendships.
I will make sure that the little amounts of time I do spend with my kids are quality time making memories we will all cherish forever.
I'll try and remember my kids are more important than that load of dishes or laundry when THEY want to talk and not when it suits my time line!
I will not yell, as much, when things aren't done in MY timely manner.
I will continue to wear my heart on my sleeve and trust everyone I meet. I will believe in the goodness of people and hope that I may make a mark in their lives. It's my biggest character flaw somedays.
I hope to make my husband really understand that he is wonderful and without him my life would be sub-par.
I will try hard to carve out "me" time and be happy with the bits that I get and not whine that it's not enough.

2011 was a good year. It will be missed but it has now become a future scrapbook that I will need to make...someday when I have enough time.