Reasons

My daughter Natalie turns 10 this week. She is wonderful and she is trying. I love her with all my heart and can't imagine my life without her even when she is in the midst of a tantrum and I'm trying not to pull all my hair out.

She is my biggest reminder that all things happen in time. That there are reasons why things don't always work out in  my time but in God's time. Here's why...

Way back in 1998 we decided we wanted to try and have another baby. We got pregnant so easily and accidentally with Greyson so of course I figured it would be easy. How wrong I was.....

Month after month and nothing! Our lives starting being lived in 2 weeks increments. 2 weeks for ovulation, 2 weeks to see if it "worked". I became a little obssessed. It was not fun. Then we did end up pregnat. YEAH! and 8 weeks later we miscarried. This was my first one and it was devastating. I took it very hard and knew it was something I had done wrong at some point in my life. It took me sometime to go move on and try again. Only to get pregnant again and miscarry again...this time after seeing the heartbeat which I understood was rare. But it happens. Both times we miscarried was under 12 weeks and it is very common just not talked about alot.

So, Bob and I moved on. I feeling like a failure and that my body was turning against me. I started believing that Greyson would be my only child and I felt so sad. Bob couldn't fix this one and it was hard on him. Because we were young and didn't have a full history of miscarriages there wasn't much to do yet. We just kept trying.

We got pregnant again and I was the world's biggest basket case. I was so worried to do anything because I thought I'd miscarry again. I knew in my heart that there was nothing I could do but my head wasn't so sure. We made it past 12 weeks and all the way up to 38 weeks! Every step of the way I was worried and just knew something was going to happen but we finally had our sweet little Natalie in 2001!

It really wasn't that long of a time but when you are in the midst of everything it feels like an eternity! Now it just seems like life. We joke with Natalie that she was our slowest child. Took as a long time to get pregnant with her and then even her labor was the longest of the 3 kids. We nicknamed her slow poke Sally in Kindergarten because she was always the last one out of school and just took her time. She still does. It's part of Natalie and I love it.

She has taught me so much but the best thing she taught me is that all good things come in time. Not always on my schedule and not always when I want it but when the time is right. My life would not be the same without her and at exactly the time she came to us. She is my best reminder to be patient. That I may not know the reasons why things happen but I will be glad in the long term.  Now she is teaching me more patience and more understanding. My life really wouldn't be the same without her.