Pinterest

Follow Me on Pinterest

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Struggles

Singapore has brought us alot of struggles. It's not all beaches and margaritas unfortunatley. One of my biggest struggles has been my relationship with my kids. It changed just a little and not for the better!
I use to be someone who LOVED having their kids around even when they did get on my nerves. I was just greatful to have them around. I LOVED spending time with them, especially since they started going to school and my time with them is few and far between. I think I lived more for breaks and summer vacation than they did! And I cried every single first day of school. As other mothers were rejoicing I was sitting at home nursing my broken heart. I missed their fights and their whining. Not every day was roses but I genuinly loved spending time with my kids. Somedays we'd never talk to eachother but I heard the things they were doing and it made my heart glow.
Then, we moved to Singapore....cue bad, scary music.

I really could not stand to be around them. I counted the days before they went back to school. I rejoiced every Monday morning and dreaded every Monday night. I HAVE NEVER BEEN THAT MOM! It scared me. I was ashamed of myself  for not enjoying my kids. Every night was a struggle just to get to bedtime and every morning was a struggle just to get to school. I found nothing to be proud of, when I use to find anything no matter how small! I struggled, they struggled.
I thought Thanksgiving break would be good for us and get us back to normal. I didn't schedule anything but family time. Games and dinners...together. We ALL needed to rebond. It sucked. We all wanted our own thing in our own time and we wanted it NOW! We had forgot how to be a family and it made me so sad.  I really do pride myself on how awesome my family usually is. I started thinking that this move is going to be the undoing of my family. I was really at a crossroads. My kids were hurting and I needed to do something.
SO, I started talking to the kids about how it's okay to miss friends or the states. I got out a few times, made new friends and encouraged the kids to do the same and let them know they weren't being traitors to their other friends. We all talked about how different it is here and were amazed at how some of our struggles were all the same. Granted they still got on my nerves and somedays I had to reach hard to enjoy them, but reach I did. And I felt like we were getting back on track.
And then Christmas break started approaching and I got scared. What if this break is as sucky as the last? Will it hurt all the progress we've made? Can we just skip break?
B  U  T..
I am glad to say that it was great! We have enjoyed eachother again. We've grown together and struggled together and that's what families do. I haven't done anything I should have over break and I've let so many other things slide. We've explored parts of Singapore together and cheered eachother on as we tried new things. IT HAS BEEN GREAT! my heart is singing again. They've argued and fought me and whined but in the more normal way. The way that I expect and know how to deal with. That is my best Christmas present.

3 comments:

aggiejenn said...

It does change our family dynamics when we're all struggling through what this new life in a new place means. I'm SO glad you had a good break! It was a hard one for me...looking forward to a home visit makes me think about home more. Usually I try not to. ;-)

Laurel said...

I should have called you like I said I would. I got so caught up in enjoying ourselves for once. Hopefully now that your sleeping things will go smoother for you.

Andrea said...

I love how honest you were in this post. I think it's helpful for others to see that this life is not all peaches and cream and beach resorts! :)

Your kids know you love them and I truly think that all of this hard stuff will make us all stronger and some day our kids will appreciate it and have a better outlook and coping abilities than most other kids that didn't get to do this.

I'm SO glad you had a nice holiday with your family!! It will continue to get better.