Do you ever feel like you've been typecast. You know where no matter what you do, or say people are always going to think what they want of you? Yeah, that's where I am right now.
I've been typecast as this person who really has no feelings and cares very little of others. I've lived with it for awhile and always thought that I'd change those views. I've become similar to some desperate out of work actress. I thought I could become like Angelina Jolie. If she can change her image as a wild weirdo to a doting charitable mother than it should be easy for me.
How wrong I was.
To some people no matter what you do, what you say, how you behave they will always think the worst of you. They will assume you can't change and haven't changed. Maybe because it is easier for them to hold onto the past.
I really don't know.
I just know that I feel like no matter what I do certain people will always think the worst of me or that I'm putting on an act. Which is very ironic because for the last few years I'm the most genuine ME that I have ever been. I'm comfortable with who I am. I've learned from my past, I love my present and I look forward to the future me. The things I do and say are no longer an act.
What I need to start doing is just not caring as much because being typecast is a little suffocating to me. It hurts when I feel I've conquered the old type and moved on only to be shoved back to that role of mean, selfish and ungiving.
I have no ideas. I just know I hurt and I"m tired of it. If I quit caring does that not essentially change who I am? Maybe it is time to change that a part of me, that part that is a people pleaser, the one that looks for the applause. Maybe that's my lesson here and I haven't learned it.