Helplessness

We have all had times of helplessness. I use to feel helpless when my kids were babies and no matter what I did they would cry and cry and then cry some more. I erroneously thought that those helpless feelings would subside as my kids become older. NOT SO!!

My children have started school. I am helpless of the things that they will see at school or conversations they may hear. I'm so helpless in stopping them from growing and figuring out the world. I'm helpless whenever they become sick, even though they can tell me what's wrong. So much of parenting is just being helpless and yet being there in someway for your kids.

However, this week I am feeling so helpless about my sister Krissy. She is still having problems related to her Kidney stones. She has been in the hospital for the past 24 hours and I'm here in Utah feeling helpless. I can do nothing except wait for updates and hope that she gets better, hope that I am not making a mistake for not being there right now. I'm so helpless to do anything and yet I know she is in capable hands in another of my sisters. I know they are doing everything they can. I know it would not make one iota difference if I was there or not. It would make me feel better but nothing would be done differently. I feel so helpless that I go from crying, to yelling, to pacing and then back to crying. I just want to hug them all and say how sad I am and yet how proud I am. Dealing with Dr.'s and nurses and health problems is not easy and those two deserve gold medals. You just move on and do the best you can, perhaps you learn from it. Those two know what they are doing and I admire them, I miss them and I want to be with them. Just to make myself feel better.

I'm helpless. It's life. It is not the first time and it is not the last. Since I live farther away from my family I have dealt with this before, I will again. But it never gets any easier just as it doesn't get easier with my children.